July 9, 2011

What a day today has been. I decided to take a little break from schoolwork today, even though I knew I had some assignments due. I figured I could get some things done and work on my school stuff later. So after breakfast, I went out and weeded my garden which was in desperate need of my attention. It looked much better when I got done with it. I think I even heard the plants say thank you and they seemed to stretch a bit with all the extra space. Next came the inside of the house, which also was begging for some help. I got to work on cleaning, sweeping and laundry.Doesn't this sound like everyone's idea of a fun day off? While doing this, my husband and son got on the computer to check out some new phones. By the time I was done with the house and they were done on the computer, it was time to charge the computer and my wireless device, so I decided to do a math homework assignment and then a little reading. I have been working my way through Tom Clancy's "Dead or Alive". Normally, I would have finished it in a weekend or two, but I started it right when school started so it is taking me a while. By now it was getting really hot out, so we decided to load up the dogs and take them down to the river to cool off with a little bit of swimming around, chasing after sticks I throw endlessly into the water. They never seem to tire of this. Stopped at the store on the way home to pick up a few things to go with dinner, then home to fix and eat dinner. Now my older son was home from work and wanted to look at the phones also, and then my husband was trying to figure out how to download music. Finally, about 8 o'clock I got on the computer to finish up my English and Political Science homework for the week. That started with a minor meltdown when I realized I had posted my Writers Workbench response as a blog posting instead of a discussion board posting!!!! Here comes that fear of failure again. Finally, I got my focus back and began doing what I needed to do. Now here it is almost 11:30 at night, and I am trying to finish this post and go to bed.I  have already looked ahead to get a handle on what I have to do for Political Science next week, jotting notes, sending e-mail and marking due dates on the calendar. Oh yeah, got a math test next week to study for as well. Only two more weeks of class and then it's finals week. I can't wait for this semester to be over with! I have learned a lot, but it has been really intense. I have a big corporate inspection coming the first week of August, then I hope to take a few days off and really just enjoy doing nothing. Maybe I can finish my book and start a new one. I have got to take a bit to recharge, because before I know it, the fall semester will be starting and I am taking a full load of classes and my son will have football games every Friday night. Got to go to those as he will be a senior this year. Where has all the time gone? One out of school and one going to be soon. Wow.

Response to Writers Workbench July 8, 2011

I finally made it through the entire Writers Workbench. I won't lie and say that I read every word on every page, but I did at least skim through all and did actually read a good portion of it. In some ways, it was like an entire English Lit class in 2 hours.I have always enjoyed reading, but one of the things I hated most about English Lit was breaking down the story into tiny little bits and analyzing everything. I just wanted to read the story! I remember in high school having my teacher fuss at me because I answered a question based on something I had read ahead on. We read books, but only so many pages at a time. That is what I truly did not like about the Writers Workbench, the way it broke everything down into little tiny bits. I do understand and appreciate the purpose behind it though. I did take notes along the way, jotting down things I thought would help me in my own writing. I would like to try writing a blog based on defamiliarization, just to see what it is like. That part sounded like fun. I also learned from the portions on understating the serious and exaggerating the less serious. This seems more to relate to news articles, but could apply to other writing as well. I may try looking in the phone book tomorrow to find interesting names. I have heard about writers doing that. There are also many towns throughout the US with interesting names that could become backdrops for stories. Writing cinematically; now there is something I think I can do. I like to use descriptive words so this is right up my alley. I also learned from writing a mission statement. My employer has a mission statement that we focus on frequently to remind us of why we are there. Perhaps that would help to direct my writing. I also do not procrastinate on writing, I just keep rehearsing it in my head until I am ready to commit it to writing, usually very near the deadline. I much prefer going over it internally to writing and rewriting draft after draft. I did enjoy Journalism classes I took  in high school, and wonder if that isn't more my writing style than say fiction writing. I probably would not have done the workshop had it not been an assignment, but I do try to take every opportunity to learn. I did like the way the author of the course used a variety of writing examples, both from the past and present day. I was able to relate more to the recent writings than to such works as "The Great Gatsby". I also figured out why I enjoy some books more than others. I have read several books, that when I got to the end, I said "that's it? Where is the rest of the story?" Writing really is a lot of work, but as he said, if you write a little every day you will have a book by the end of the year. I really liked the analogy of running a marathon by doing a half mile a day for 52 days.Even I can do that. Oh yeah, we are doing that by writing a journal a day for 3 weeks. I will attempt to use what I have learned in the workshop to improve my writing and to make intelligent comments on the writings of my fellow students as I continue to read blogs and essays. One last thing, and I mean no offense, but I am really glad that my major is nursing and not English! I'm sure that some of my fellow students are probably just as glad their major isn't nursing!

Day 9 Journal July 7, 2011 What am I afraid of?

I was having trouble thinking of something to write about today. It has been a long week with a lot of writing to do, both in this class and in another class, so my brain is a bit numb at this point. I decided to look at some of the suggestions that I jotted down from the Daily Journal Prompts and one in particular caught my eye, that being "What am I afraid of?"  I bet you think I am going to write about something like spiders or dogs or clowns or something like that. Guess again. I am really not afraid of many things at all except one. What I am truly most afraid of is Failure. I am afraid of being a failure in school, a failure as a nurse, a failure as wife, a failure as a mother and a failure as a member of society. I don't know where this fear of failure comes from exactly or why it exists in my psyche. It seems that early in my school years, learning came easy to me, so I got pretty good grades without having to work at it very hard. But then, it became expected of me to continue those grades, and I became afraid to fail. Being afraid of failure has caused me to work very hard and give 110% to anything I do, because in my mind, anything less is failure. It has made me place high expectations on myself that I sometimes have to struggle to live up to. I find myself taking on extra responsibilities at work to prove myself, then I have trouble asking for help, because in my head, asking for help is failing to do the job myself. I am endlessly checking out the deadlines for class assignments to be sure they are turned in on time or even early, because anything less is failure.  I also check my grades at least once or twice a week to be sure that I am still maintaining and not failing.  Not that I am anywhere near failing, but who says that fears have to make sense? I stress during corporate and state surveys because I am afraid that something I have done or not done will negatively affect our scores, despite the fact that we consistently do well at these. I tend to take any failure personally, even those of my children. If they do poorly in a class, I feel it is my failure as a parent to set proper standards and give proper assistance. I am trying to learn to overcome this, and to use those stumbling blocks we all run up against as learning opportunities. I am trying to learn that I can only be responsible for myself and my actions and not those of others. I don't know if I will ever get over this fear, but perhaps I can learn to manage it and use it to my advantage. Striving for perfection does have some advantages, don't you think?

Day 8 Journal, July 6, 2011

Just got my I Believe essay done and posted. What a relief to have that finally done.  It was definitely a challenge, way harder than just doing these journal blogs. I did finally figure out a way to make the MLA format work, though maybe not the way it is really supposed to be done. I even had to ask my 16 year old for help. He thinks it's funny to have to help me. Oh well, learning is learning no matter who the teacher is. So today I am going to write a bit about Facebook. I do not personally have a Facebook account and probably never will. It is just not my thing. I can see how it can have its place. For families that don't live close together, I think it could be a wonderful way of keeping in touch. Especially if you can limit who has access to what you post and what pictures can be seen. I wouldnt want total strangers to be able to see pictures of me and my family. Too many weirdos and perverts out there for that. For our military families, this can also be a great tool for maintaining contact. Teenagers also love Facebook. Of course, they are extremely focused on themselves and what all their friends are doing. In my day, you just tied up the phone line if you were lucky enough to have your own phone line. Now they text all day long and Facebook the really important stuff, like what they are doing every minute of the day. I do think that a lot of what is posted is a bunch of bologna by people who think they are way more important than they really are. Here is something I find really funny. My brother in law and his wife both have seperate Facebook accounts. They will frequently post things to each other on the other ones account. The really funny part about this is that while they are Facebooking each other they are sitting in the same room!. I think that speaks volumes about what all this technology has done to basic interpersonal communication  skills. People  in the same room communicating via electronic device instead of just talking. I also don't get this whole thing about friending everybody and Liking everyone. How can be a friend of someone or like someone you dont even know? It has also become the latest slick advertising tool. Every company out there now seems to have a site on Facebook. I guess I'm just a bit old fashioned that way. Oh well. to each his own. Time  to go, running out of words to say after writing that essay.

Day 7 Journal, July 5, 2011

It is hard to believe that I have been writing every day for a week. Only three more weeks to go! This has been a fun and challenging experience as I learn to express myself better. I am also getting to know my classmates better through reading their blog entries. One entry I read really surprised me because the person sounded almost angry at having to do the work. I know that everyone is busy, busy, busy, but I find that taking the ten or fifteen minutes a day to write really helps me to focus my thoughts. It also challenges my brain to keep coming up with new things to write about. I really need to get finished up on my "I Believe" essay since it is due tomorrow. At first I thought that a two to three page essay was an insurmountable challenge, rather like climbing a mountain. However, when I really stop to think about it, it really isnt going to be so bad. I have to do writing in another class I am taking and sometimes I surprise myself in just how wordy I can get. Writing is kind of like owning an old car. It may take a bit to get it started, but once you do it just keeps going and going and going. I have even thought about continuing to do journal entries after this class is over. Maybe not everyday but at least once a week would be good. Ms. A is right, good writing takes practice. Since I have many more classes to take, I am sure I will have many more essays and such to write so I should keep my skills up. I even find myself thinking throughout the day about what I am going to write about that night. Now the next challenge is to decide which of my entries I want to submit to Ms. A as my favorite for the week. I was a bit worried that this week would be overwhelming with all the writing, but I am trying to take it one day at a time. Having a well organized week with everything on my calendar has been a lifesaver. I might try doing some spreadsheets next semester and see if that works any better. The squares on my calendar are only so big, so I have to squish a lot of stuff into a small space. Maybe a seperate calendar grid for each class would be better. Either that, or I need a really big dry erase board to track everything. There is a certain amount of satisfaction in being able to mark assignments off as I get them done. I just have to be careful not to mark out something that isnt done yet. And if I dont write them all down to start, I will miss something. I am really glad that I took on the challenge of online classes this semester. It was a different experience than a seated class, but I have gained a tremendous amount of confidence in myself as I take on and succeed with each new assignment. Now my son is standing over my shoulder, reading what I have written and offering some "helpful" advice. In reality, he is just waiting for me to get done so he can use the computer to Facebook. Now there is something to write about. That unique social experience of Facebook with all its pros and cons and what does it really say about the people who use it? Yeah, I think I will save that for another day and sign off for tonight. Got to get some sleep so I can have some fresh brain cells for tomorrow.

Day 6 Journal July 4, 2011

Well here it is , the Fourth of July, Independence Day, Birthday of our Nation. Many different names to describe today. As I sit to write this, the Macy's fireworks display is showing on TV. Wow! Is that ever a spectacular show. I change the channel and get to watch to fireworks in Boston. Somehow that seems more appropriate as Boston was the birthplace of the nation. I also went on Saturday to watch our local fireworks with my family. Earlier, I watched as my boys shot of fireworks in our front yard.  As I watch these beautiful, colorful displays light up the night sky and listen to the patriotic music, I find myself reflecting on what today really means for all of us. The explosions and noise to symbolize the weapons shot in war in defense of our freedom. Those same weapons continue to be shot today by our brave men and women in uniform. At one time, I thought about joining up, but I was young, with a GED not a high school diploma and they didn't want me then without at least some college education. Then came the Gulf War, but I was soon to have a child, so it was not an option then either. Then came 911, and I again considered military service, but not sure if I could leave my family. Selfish of me I know, when so many have given so much in defense of our nation. Now that my children are nearly grown I am too old to join. I did by a new flag today to hang on my front porch and it makes me remember what this country means.We are all lucky to live in this country, despite whatever faults it may have. I can sit here and express my opinions and thoughts and ideas freely, without worrying that  I may get turned in to the authorities, or that I may get arrested in the middle of the night for criticizing our government leaders. I have the same right to vote as everyone else, even if I choose not to use it, which is also my right. I have the right to disagree with others. For instance, I disagree with the church that protests at funerals of military personnel for what I believe to be a ridiculous reason. But that same freedom of speech applies to all, even those with an unpopular point of view. I must keep that in mind, or there is no freedom of speech. I have the right to travel freely throughout the country, to any place I choose without being worried about borders and travel papers, or getting arrested because of where I wish to travel. I have the right to gather freely with others, again without worry of government interference. I know there are government conspiracy theories, and secret CIA files on people, but I am trying to keep this a glass half full kind of day. My children received a free education through the public school system as did myself and their dad. If there are failings in that system, than it is up to us as citizens to correct those problems. I was able to receive free money from the federal government to further my own education here at OTC. I am free to study whatever I want and to hold any job I am qualified for. If I dont like what my government officials are doing, I am free to tell them that. I am also free to run for any public office I choose, including that of President. I have a military of volunteers that will give their lives to defend these freedoms and the land upon which we all live. I also believe that with these rights come responsibility. The responsibility to have respect for all the citizens of this great country, those born here and those who came here looking for a better life. I have the responsibility to help my fellow man as I am able, through kindness, generosity and volunteering as I am able. I have the responsibility to provide care to the aging members of our society and to always treat them with the kindness, dignity and respect that they deserve. I also have the responsibility, if I choose to travel outside this country, to demonstrate the good things our country represents and not to be an ugly American. To always show respect for others and their way of life and to always try to learn something from others. After all, this country was founded by immigrants and it is that variety of customs and ideas that makes us who we are today. God Bless America!

Day 5 Journal

Today, as I sit down to write, it is beginning to storm outside. The rain is coming down in buckets, lightning is flashing brightly in the dark sky and the thunder is crashing loudly. I love a good rainstorm and when I am done with my journal, I am going to go sit on my front porch and enjoy it! My garden is certainly appreciative of the water, though it may be just a little too much all at once. Last night it also stormed and this morning I had to set some of my tomatoe plants back up. My pepper plants really liked it, they are standing straight and tall with lots of little peppers visible. I have picked one small one so far, and I cant wait for the rest to be ready. I know that the watermelons really like the rain. I have quite a few of those as well, with the largest ones being the size of softballs. I cant wait until they are ready! There is nothing in the world like a fresh watermelon. Yesterday, I sent my son out to the garden to pick "a" cucumber if one was ripe, and he returned with a large bowl full of them! I think that there were about 8 of them all together. Luckily a friend had stopped by about that time, so I sent several of them home with her. I am beginning to worry about my tomatoes a bit. It seems that the Japanese beetles have finally found the garden and have begun to munch their way through the tomatoes. Now I dont mind sharing with the bugs a little because they have to eat too, but these beetles are like the houseguest that raids your refridgerator in the middle in the night and leaves you with nothing to eat the next day! I dont think I have ever met such a destructive bug. I thought about some traps, but I have heard that they just attract more bugs, so I will take my chances with a little sevin dust. I had hoped to avoid any chemicals in my garden, but if I dont do something, I won't have any garden at all. I had hoped to have ripe tomatoes for my July 4th cookout, but all I have are green ones. I even bought a variety called "Early Girl" thinking they would be ready early, but no such luck. I have picked a few zucchini, and one yellow squash as well as a bunch of lettuce. I even tried something new, and grilled one of the zucchini! Taste of perfection. I passed a church today while driving that had a garden that was easily four times the size of mine( mine is 20x30), and there was a sign posted at the local convenience store that the church was giving away fresh vegetables to any one who wanted them or could use them. To me, that is what gardening is all about. Feeding yourselves and feeding others. It also demonstrated to me what I believe is the Christian way. I know that a lot of people must have put in a lot of work to make it happen. I know that my own garden took many hours of time to prepare and maintain. This group of people did it for the good of the citizens of the community, without regard for the time and energy needed. They did it just because it is the right thing to do. I hope to be able to donate some of my harvest to the community center that is just down the road from my house. They provide clothing and household goods free of charge to anyone in the community who needs it. My harvest can be my way of giving back to my community and helping out someone I will never meet. The idea of my harvest providing a meal on someone elses table nearly moves me to tears. I hope that the beetles find something else to munch on besides my vegetables! Maybe next year I can find a better way to get rid of them besides insectacide. I will have to do some research on organic gardening. There has to be a good bug out there that likes to eat Japanese beetles and wont eat my garden. Looks like the rain is about over now. but it sure did come down hard there for a bit. Still thundering and lightening though. Its almost like mother nature decided to put on her own fireworks display. Just in time for the Fourth of July. I have the scanner on and it sounds like a few places are flooded from all the rain. I hope all the drivers out there use a bit of common sense and dont try to drive through the floods. It seems like every time, someone thinks they can drive through a flooded road and then the local fire department has to do a water rescue. I seem to be running out of things to write about tonight. Didn't get much sleep tonight and got  up early this morning to take the family to the lake. Now that was fun! We even took all 3 dogs with us and they had a blast. They got to chase sticks, tennis balls, and a frisbee. They must have been swimming for about 2 hours all together. Even the Jack Russell likes to go swimming. They were so tired when we got done that all three of them slept the whole way home and then for about 2 more hours after we got home. One of the dogs is an aging black Lab, who is about 14 years old now. But to see her jumping through the water and swimming for hours, you would never guess she was that old. Her grey hair on her chin does give it away, as well as the fact that her teeth are wearing down but she is still a puppy at heart. Sometimes her hips bother her, especially in the winter, so the swimming is really good exercise for her. The third dog is a Golden Retriever who is about 5 now. He tends to be a stick hog  in the water, not letting the other dogs have it and sometimes, if you throw two sticks in the water, he will grab both of them! He has also figured out that the best place to lay when it's hot is right in front of the fan. Good thing I dont have central air or he would probably lay on top of the vent and block all the air from everyone else. Okay, now I really am out of things to write about for tonight. I hope to have more to say tomorrow.