Day 4 Journal

So today I was having trouble thinking of something to write about, so I chose one of the journal prompts I found on Ms A's Classroom. Today I will write my response to the question "Is plastic surgery an option and what body part would I chose to replace?" What a loaded question! I have spent the last 42 years trying to learn to accept myself as who I am, faults, wrinkles, grey hair and all. And now the question is would I change that? It is my personal belief that plastic surgery is a waste of time and money, and that it clogs up our  healthcare system with people not in need of true healthcare. Add to that the fact that surgery, any surgery, even a "minor" one is still a dangerous procedure. Things can and do go wrong in surgery every day, many times just as a result of immobility and anesthesia and not as the result of someone doing something wrong. But those things that do go wrong just add to the care that one needs.With the growing number of drug resistant infections that require ever stronger antibiotics, why would someone want to put themselves in the position of possibly getting one of those infections by going through a surgical procedure that isnt necessary? All in the name of that "beauty ideal" that some advertising/ Hollywood company has developed? Not to say that I havent tried coloring my hair (now I just let my natural platinum highlights show) or that I dont wear makeup (I do). I just try to make the me I have be as good as it can be. Good health, good eating habits, and regular exercise can go much farther than any plastic surgery ever thought about. Besides, if we all go under the knife to look like someone else's ideal, then we all look alike and what will happen to our own individuality? It would be like in one of my favorite books from childhood "Sneaches on Beaches". The Sneaches all wanted to look different from the other ones, yet in the end, they realized that what is on the inside is far more important than what is on the outside. I also think that if I was meant to have plastic and silicone in my body, I would have been born that way.Wrinkles and grey hair and stretch marks and the like are testimony to life and childbearing and child raising. Oh and to going back to school which definitely added a few more greys to the top. I feel that accepting myself for who I am makes me more of an individual and teaches me things that plastic surgery will just cover up.  I also wonder about people who get Botox injections. Do they realize that Botox is made from botulism and that botulism can make you really sick and even kill you? That along with a whole crop of poorly trained people doing it is a really scary prospect. I would prefer only medical personnel with proper training put needles in me and I will leave the botulism to someone else. Besides, I like to be able to blink my eyes and wrinkle up my brow when I am thinking. I dont want to be a person afraid to show emotion because it might cause a wrinkle. There is a song lyric that states "she's pure, flesh and bone, no tucks or silicone". Thats who I want to be.

Freewrite Responses to the "I Believe" Essays

I found that A Grown Up Barbie and Leave the Identity Issues to Other Folks to really be similar in theme. Both spoke to identities that we learn in childhood and how those identities effect us as we grow in to adulthood. I too wanted to be Barbie, and like Jane, I looked nothing like her. It didn't take long to figure out either that I never would. As an adult, I look back and I am glad that I am an individual, not a carbon copy of something else. Phyllis spoke of labels that are attached to us and how only maturity allows us to throw those labels away and be who we really are. It reminds me of the poem, When I am Old, I Shall Wear Purple. It speaks of an older woman wearing a bright purple outfit just because she can get away with it. She feels this way, because she thinks that at her age, she has earned the right to be who she wants to be. By the way, that poem is also the basis behind the Red Hat Society, a group of older women who wear red hats and bright purple outfits and get together to socialize  with other older ladies. I want to wear a red hat someday. I really liked reading Shitty First Drafts, because it reminds me that however good the finished product, there was a process behind it that involves many not  so good products. It gives you the right to make mistakes and to keep trying and to be able to pick and choose the best out of everything you do. Final drafts are only a reflection of the entire writing process, which is what I am beginning to learn through all this writing we are doing. I will have to keep this essay in mind as I write my own. To start early, and just keep writing and then pull together the final product from the best of everything. Be Nice to the Pizza Dude  was a lesson in humanity and humility. Just because the job you do may be low on the totem pole of life, doesnt diminish you as a person. I look at it like this, the pizza dude is performing a service that helps me, and they are being a productive member of society, and maybe the pizza dude will be president some day, or develop a cure for cancer, or facilitate world peace, or just learn good work ethics that he passes down to his children..I did disagree with Always Go to the Funeral. It is my personal belief that visitations are the time for giving condolences and showing your support for the family. I believe that funerals are a time of final goodbyes for those closest to the deceased, like family and very close friends. I found the concept of always going to a funeral to be a bit creepy.

My Personal Credo

1. It is my belief that how someone looks on the outside is not necessarily a reflection of who they are on the inside. I was picked on as a child for the way I looked which made forming relationships with others difficult. I believe that how one looks is mainly superficial and it is how one acts toward self and others that is important.  Along with this, I tend to believe in people as good and decent until proven otherwise.
2. I believe in spending time with family, especially with my children as they grow into adults. I also feel that spending time alone is vital to learn who you really are and to give yourself a chance to recharge. It is hard to care for someone else if you dont also care for yourself.
3. I believe in spending time outdoors, with fishing being one of my favorite activities. Fishing allows me to spend time with my family on a neutral ground and it can lead to  many discussions about life in a nonthreatening way. Fishing can be about catching trophies, feeding the family, or just about spending time drowning worms.
4. I believe that being self sufficient makes me a better person, but also creates difficulty in asking for help. I think that self sufficiency breeds survivabilty. I know that myself and my kids can live through any situation this world may offer because we can take care of ourselves.
5. I believe in gardening as a way to feed body and soul. It fulfills many needs including exercise, communing with nature/ my higher power, and provides me with the opportunity to demonstrate generosity to others as I share my harvest. I feel like I must be surrounded by nature, grass, trees, animals and not concrete and steel in order for my soul to flourish.

Journal Day 3, July 1, 2011

Wow, here it is the first day of July, which means the year is officially half over. Tomorrow, the summer semester will be officially half over. I think I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.It seems a bit dim at the moment, but I think it is just because I am tired. Today has been a busy day of reading and writing and writing and writing. I think I am about out of words to write. Of course, this is like freewriting and so it is ok to write that I am running out of things to write. Speaking of freewriting, I think that as a true writing exercise, it should be done with pen/pencil and paper and not with the aid of this wonderful device called a computer. The reason I think this is that freewriting is supposed to be about writing, not editing, not rethinking, not redoing, just writing. However, it is so easy on the computer to hit the backspace  button and eliminate a thought you don't like or want to have seen by others. Then there is the matter of those pesky little red squiggly lines that remind you when you have spelled a word incorrectly. I almost cannot seem to stop myself from going back a space when I see that line and correcting it. See there I go again. I am a fairly decent typist, but not a perfect one. I don't really correct my thoughts that much, just my spelling. I hate to see the squiggly little red lines. That and sometimes my fingers dont do what my brain tells them to do and I hit the wrong key. I have noticed that I tend to speak out loud when I write, though I do it quietly so as not to disturb  my family when I am working. Does anybody else do that? It seems to help me focus my thoughts a little better when I am writing. I also talk with my hands which is kind of hard to do when you are typing with both hands! I even find myself doing it when I talk on the phone, like I think the person on the other end can see what I am doing. Just a few little personality quirks I guess. It could be a lot worse than that.Oh no, I havent quite reached the bottom of the page and I am at a loss as to what to say. I think my brain just suffered a temporary shutdown, or like my computer says, I am currently offline and cant display that page. I also find myself a bit distracted at times by life going on around me. Sometimes I just use half of my brain to type while the other half tries to listen to what someone in the family is trying to tell me. Still working on the whole balancing act. I did get the Know Your Audience post done, of that I was glad. It was a fun assignment, and I learned a lot about my fellow students. Star Wars is currently playing on the TV,so I am trying to hurry up and finish writing so I can watch it. Somehow, it never seems to get old, no matter how many times I watch it. The actors do seem a lot younger in it, or maybe they look a lot older now, or maybe both. I still think of myself as young, but the person I see in the silver box every morning has way more grey hair than me. Oh wait, I think that is me. But I dont have grey hair, I have natural platinum highlights free of charge from mother nature. I guess that is the glass half full side of my personality. I have earned every one of those grey, no platinum hairs. I just dont need too many of them. Highlights is just fine. Now my internet connection is looking a bit foggy, guess it is tired too. I just hope it keeps on for a few more minutes so I can save this post without having to redo it. I would hate to have to try to think of another 300 words to say.OK, looks like I am back online again. I still remember when the biggest problem I had to worry about was my pen running out of ink or trying to find a pencil sharpener when I broke the lead. I guess I really am showing my age today. Well I am going to try and get some sleep, then get back at it tomorrow. Lots more work to do and only so many hours in a day to do it. Maybe I should give up sleeping, that would add a few more hours, but I probably still wouldn't get it all done. I'm going to call it quits as I seem to be rambling tonight. May the force be with you. Wow, I seem to be showing my nerdiness as well as my age tonight. Oh well, it is a journal entry after all and not the next great American novel. I will leave the writing of that one up to someone else.

Knowing My Audience

This was a fun and interesting take on the typical 20 questions game. It also came with the unique perspective of being an online class, so there was not that personal, face to face interaction that adds to what we know about our audience.Reading only without nonverbal cues like tone of voice and facial expressions was quite and experience.  In a way, it is like a radio announcer getting to know their audience without ever seeing them. I do believe my audience is made up of a wide range of ages, backgrounds, and vocations. However, what most surprised me was how similar we really all seem to be to one another. For example, when asked about what TV show we wanted to be in and what time period we wanted to live in, a majority of us chose some time in the past. Reasoning for this was repeatedly that we wanted to live in a simpler time, when family values were cherished and life seemed easier. What does that say about the time we live in now? Very few said they wanted to live right here and now. We are also a group with strong family values, as evidenced by the fact that many people referred to family that has passed on as the one they most wanted to see. Also, most of the pasttime activities revolved around doing things with family. There were a few introverts who wanted to spend time alone, myself being one of them.We also tend to like dogs more than cats, perhaps because dogs interact more than cats. We are also about 50/50 split on which road we would take, the cleared stone path or the tangled, winding road. I guess that means that some like a challenge in life while others focus more on where we are going than in how we get there. All of our quotes speak to moving forward and none of us said we were already grown up and doing what we wanted to do. So we all continue to dream and think about the future.  Most of us want to help our fellow man, donate to charity and figure out how to keep bad things from happening  to good people so I guess we are a pretty good group of people after all. We seem to have similar values and ideas on life. No one asked any controversial question, so perhaps we don't like conflict over all. Most of us gave answers of some length and depth, but a few gave very short, direct answers. I feel this to be a reflection of individual personality and I would probably notice these same things in a seated class with verbal interaction. I also appreciated the honesty of the person who preferred a potbelly pig to dogs or cats, as well as the person who answered that they don't ever want to be a doctor no matter what. I think that sometimes people give the answer they think that other people want to hear instead of the true answer to avoid conflict and confrontation.However, it is entirely possible that we are just a good nature, easygoing bunch of students. I think that because we all seem to think in a similar matter, that writing for this audience will be much like writing for ourselves. I was a bit surprise though to see that only one person wanted to meet with Jesus and no one said they wanted to meet with God. Perhaps this just demonstrates the reverence  for religion common to this bible belt area we live in. I have enjoyed interacting with my fellow students, and have found one or two to be extremely helpful in the Burning Questions discussion board. It is nice to know that a completely online class can still have the personal interaction of a seated one. I do feel like this assignment helped me to know my fellow students better and I enjoyed reading all the question, answering them, and then seeing the other responses. Personalities definitely began to show through with varied writing styles.

Journal Day 2, June 30, 2011

So today I am going to talk about my journey to nursing school and how I got to be here today. I guess that I always wanted to be a nurse from the time I was a little girl. I remember reading the Clara Barton book series which described what I would now call "old school nursing", where nurses went with doctors to patient's homes to see them and surgery was not the modern medical technology of today. It was really more just about taking care of patients. I have always respected the nursing profession and couldn't wait to go to nursing school. Well, except for brief moments of wanting to be a doctor or a veternarian. I even remember when the St Johns School of Nursing was located at the hospital and thinking that someday I would get to go and wear that white uniform and nurse's cap. Ha! That was before I actually had to wear a nurse's cap and realized what a pain in the rear they really are. Oh yeah, and that those nifty white uniforms show every little stain. My journey to nursing school was originally going to begin right after high school but then life happened and my journey took the long and winding road. I tried working in a grocery store, a convenience store, waitressing, construction work,  and hospital laundry. Then I went to school to be a medical assistant, which turned out to be a big waste of time and money when I couldn't find a job. I finally did go to nursing school and realized that it was everything and nothing like I thought it was going to be. And now I am going back, so I can be a better nurse, a better leader, a better educator, and of course a better provider since the money is better as an RN than an LPN. I want to be able to provide better care to my patients and to feel like I really know what I am doing. I have certainly learned a lot on the job, but I think the improved education will make a difference. I also learned along the way that book learning is only half of the knowledge I have gained. There truly is an art to nursing as well as a science and the art must be learned not taught. It is something that comes from within and allows me to celebrate victories, mourn losses, and hopefully know the right thing to do each and every day. Being a nurse has also helped me to overcome some of my own introvertedness as I must interact with others, including total strangers, and I cannot hide away from the world everyday. I know this continuation in my journey is not going to be easy, and this first semester really made me stretch my limits and abilities. I know that this will only make me a stronger person and a better nurse. I often wish things could just be easy, but you don't learn from easy. It is the challenges of life and school and everything else that add building blocks to character. Easy would just make me lazy and lazy never gets anywhere. That being said, I know that I do need a break every now and then to recharge and refocus. I am learning how to balance and I am trying to learn not to get so overwhelmed.  I cried on the first day of this semester and seriously questioned if I could really do it. I had been very casual in my attitude when telling everyone I was going back to school and then reality set in . But look, the semester is almost half over, my grades are good and I really feel like I am getting in the groove and learning something, including how to fill up a page with words that make sense and to do it in a reasonable amount of time. I know now for certain that my decision to continue my nursing education is the right one and this too shall pass, just like a kidney stone or gallstone. A little bit painful, but it won't kill me in the end. I know that one day I will look back on this and be glad I did it. I also hope to be an inspiration to others who are considering entering nursing school or continuing nursing school. And someday I will tell my future grandchildren and great grandchildren about this wonderful journey I took down the road with the vines and the speedbumps and the rabbits and the birds.. The good and the bad and the things that weren't as bad as I thought they were. And one day soon I will stand in my cap and gown and receive my diploma with my head held high and a giant smile on my face.

Journal Day 1, June 29, 2011

Wow, so I have to write a journal entry every day and it has to be at least 300 words long. I also have to write journal entries in another class and they have to be 200 words long at least. The first time I sat down to do a journal entry, I thought 200 words was like running a marathon (26 miles). How was I ever going to find enough to say to make an entry of 200-300 words? Turns out, it is really more like running a 5k race(3.1 miles) and not nearly as exhausting as the marathon. Seems like I am hardly out of breath by the time I am done. (No I am not a runner, just like the analogy.) The journey to any destination begins with a single step and any journal entry begins with a single word. And then another and another and another and before I know it I have filled up two or three pages with words.I guess I have more to say than I realize. I was really going to do my first journal entry on my credo, but I was having trouble accessing the resource link so I will try again tomorrow. Alright, now I feel like I am at a red light, jogging in place, waiting to move forward. I need to try to just keep writing, after all isn't that what freewriting is all about? Just writing anything as long as I am writing. That has to be my favorite reading assignment so far. Before that, I thought writing had to have a meaning and now I know that writing can just be that, writing. I really prefer walking to running, but I walk really fast. Running is just too hard on aging knee joints. Ha! Ha! I just told on myself. I have begun to accept that it is ok to grow old, and I hope to remain active through all my years. I recently heard about a woman in her 90's that ran a marathon and she didn't run her first one until she was over 80! How is that for inspiration. If she can accomplish that, than I can accomplish 7 journal entries a week. I just hope they start to flow a little better and maybe I can actually stay on the same subject for 300 words. I really wish the blog posting had a word count like my word perfect program. That way I wouldn't have to sit here and count every word by hand. I think I am reaching the bottom of the page, so I should be about done. I checked out the journal prompt link and found some interesting things to blog about, so I am going to sign off for now and I hope to have something intelligent and interesting to say tomorrow and the next day and the next day. Oh, and I  am starting to harvest from my garden. Nothing in the world better than picking something, washing it and eating it knowing exactly where it came from. Except for my cabbage which I guess I fed to the bugs. That's OK, everything has got to eat, including the bugs. Just wish they would have saved me some. They did make some pretty patterns in the leaves as they were munching away. I never did see them, but I think I heard them say thank you once or twice. Hey look, I reached the end of the page, only took about 15 minutes. Not bad.